


In Which Shane (Presumably) Gives Jimmy "The Workies"™

by Know_Your_Paradoxes



Category: Asagao Academy: Normal Boots Club
Genre: Awkward Flirting, Crack, EXTREMELY SUGGESTIVE THEMES, Explicit Language, Ian is so fucking done with everything just like I am, Implied Sexual Content, In Which Ian Is Presumably An Audience Surrogate, Jimmy Whetzel is a flirty-flirt, Jimmy wants that murdercock, M/M, Memes, SUGGESTIVE LIKE FUCKING PEER PRESSURE, Sexual Humor, Sexual Tension, Shane's fucking tsundere bullshit, Suggestive Themes, alternatively titled "IT'S FUCKING COCK O'CLOCK BITCHES", an excuse to make shitty sexual jokes, but i'm too goddamn asexual for that pointless tomfoolery, god is dead and I'm pretty sure I killed him, so instead have some EXTREMELY SUGGESTIVE FLIRTING KIDDOS, the tags make this sound like shameless smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-29
Updated: 2016-06-29
Packaged: 2018-07-19 00:09:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7336771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Know_Your_Paradoxes/pseuds/Know_Your_Paradoxes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shane and Jimmy get the brilliant idea to invite their good buddy Ian over to play some Monopoly, but instead, they get a bit... heated over the game, if you know what I mean.</p><p>Alternate title: "Ian Wants to Go Home But Instead Shane and Jimmy Make Him Watch Them Sin"</p>
            </blockquote>





	In Which Shane (Presumably) Gives Jimmy "The Workies"™

**Author's Note:**

  * For [DidYouKnowGaming](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DidYouKnowGaming/gifts), [Jimmy Whetzel](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Jimmy+Whetzel).



> Dear God, what have I done.
> 
> I'm so sorry to anyone that actually reads this. Please forgive me. (Also PLEASE DON'T SEND THIS TO SHANE OR JIMMY BECAUSE I WILL FUCKING HOLLER.) (and then thank you profusely because they're the greatest and being noticed by my senpais would probably make me the happiest I've been in at least 4 years [thanks depression])

Ian stepped into Shane's dorm, expecting a large group of people.

Instead, there were only two people huddled around the Monopoly board on the floor: Shane himself, and Jimmy.

"What the hell? I thought you'd invited the others to come play, too," Ian said, confused. He was tired. It was practically midnight, and he really shouldn't even be IN Shane's dorm right now, and especially not with Shane AND Jimmy. Being as openly out as he was, and Jimmy having came out of the closet pretty recently, it was all too much for Japan's internalized homophobia to have the two of them in the same room with another man for any prolonged period of time, unless the phrase "no homo" was uttered a certain amount of times to meet the quota.

Shane shrugged. "Game box said for 2 to 6 players. But that's just a suggestion. Now sit your ass down and play the game."

Ian groaned as he knelt to the floor, some of his joints cracking as he did so. Damn, for a vaguely-aged high school student that could not be stated to be a certain age or not due to certain consent laws, despite not being the one needing to use a consent law in this fanfiction, sometimes his bones cracked like a fucking ninety-year-old's.

"Why couldn't you two have just played the game together and let me fucking sleep?"

Jimmy rolled his eyes. "Come on. We all know you were just going to dream of hanging out with both of us simultaneously anyway. It's not like you had anything better to do, asshat."

"Ugh, I swear to God..." Ian furrowed his brow and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Goddammit - okay, fine. Just as long as the game doesn't last for over an hour, I'll stay. BUT, as soon as the clock hits one, I'm Sonic running out of here."

Another shrug from Shane as he replied, "I can get done in an hour. How about you, Jimmy?"

Jimmy gave a smirk. "I can last however long you need me to."

 _Oooooookay,_ Ian thought to himself. _A little on the suggestive side, but nothing too unusual for Jimmy, I guess._

Shane seemed completely oblivious to the implications of Jimmy's comment as he grabbed the box and reached for the tiny metal player pieces. "Alright, I've got the entire selection here. Ian, since you're the guest right now, which piece would you like?"

"Oh, the dog, obviously-"

"Just kidding, I don't fucking care, you're the iron."

If there would've been a cameraman within the immediate area, Ian would've given the best "Office-stare-into-the-camera" ever conceived.

Shane then turned to face Jimmy and held out the remaining nine pieces in his hand. "Okay, Jimmy. Which piece?"

Jimmy looks as though he's contemplating it, and he finally answers, "Oh, I can be whatever you want me to be."

_Great. Looks like Jimmy's decided today's an innuendo festival._

"W-Well," Shane continued, after awkwardly clearing his throat, setting the top hat piece down, presumably for Jimmy. "Uh, I'm going to choose to be the bag of money, because I'm all about them bills, as you both know."

He dumped the remaining pieces in the box and then grabbed the starting currency to hand to Ian and Jimmy.

Ian couldn't help but notice the way that Jimmy bit down on his bottom lip as Shane's shirt lifted a little as he shifted. _Looks like somebody's got a crush on someone..._ Ian thought to himself, studying Jimmy's expression carefully as he continued to eye down Shane. _Either that, or he's just really pushing the boundaries of the "no homo" quota this evening._

"Alright, take the dice," Shane said, handing the dice to Ian first.

Ian shook the dice in his hands with all of his might, making sure to blow on them first _(after all, the myth was that if you got a beautiful person to blow on your dice, you were bound to get a lucky roll, and who was more beautiful than him?)_ before releasing them.

He rolled a pretty solid 10.

Jimmy then snatched the dice from off of the floor, outstretching his hand to Shane. "Would you kindly blow me?"

A blush crept onto Shane's face, but he didn't refuse to do it, giving a halfhearted gust of breath onto the dice. Jimmy sighed, closing his hand on the dice and then reopening it. "What was that weak shit? Come on, Shane. Blow like a fucking man."

The blush on Shane's face only got brighter red, and Ian was pretty sure that if Jimmy continued making more awkward sexual jokes, he would start feeling that blush as well.

But, once again, Shane only served to fuel Jimmy, giving a much more solid breath.  _Please don't encourage him,_ Ian wanted to say, but he kept quiet as Jimmy rolled the dice. He got a perfect 12.

Of fucking course he did.

Shane then took the dice and held out his hand to Jimmy. "Um, would you...?" he asked, not finishing the rest of his question. Ian instinctively let out a groan. This was getting awkward as hell, and if this was the way things were going to be for the rest of the evening, he was NOT planning on staying for the entire game. After all, there was only so much blatant sexual tension he could take.

God, this was going to turn into a hentai so fucking quickly, wasn't it.

Jimmy smirked and blew onto the dice in Shane's hand, and gave a wink before Shane turned away. Shane blinked a couple times, grumbling something under his breath that Ian couldn't hear. Was he cursing Jimmy's name? Was he saying something stereotypically British? Was he praising the dark Lord Satan? Ian would never know.

Shane finally rolled, and he got a 7.

Ian suppressed the urge to laugh uncontrollably.

Shane, however, didn't seem too upset by this roll as he said, "Alright, then I guess that means Jimmy goes first."

Jimmy gave a smile and grabbed the dice in one clean sweep. He didn't ask Shane to blow on the dice for him this time, thankfully. If Ian had to watch more awkward flirting between the two of them, he would swallow his game piece and try to force himself to choke on it.

He ended up rolling a 3. "Baltic Avenue, hell yeah.

"Hit me up with that property, fam," Jimmy said, looking to Shane.

"Are you really sure that you want this property?"

"Yes, please, give me Baltic Avenue."

"Do you really deserve it, Jimmy?"

_FUCK._

"Yes, Daddy!"

That seemed to catch Shane's attention. Despite him having gone forward with the aggressive flirting, he had NOT expected to be called Daddy. IAN had not been expecting Jimmy to call him Daddy. This was like reading Fifty Shades of Grey on an elevator - at least 10 levels of disturbing.

Shane cleared his throat and took the money from Jimmy, putting it into the bank. "T-There you go," he said, his face flushing the closest shade to pure crimson you could probably get before you burst a blood vessel. "You own that now."

"How much do I have to pay to own YOU?" Jimmy asked.

"FOR FUCK'S SAKE," Ian yelled, not even thinking about it.

Shane's eyes were wide, and he hadn't blinked for a solid thirty seconds. The silence hung in the air there for twice as long.

"Anyway," Shane finally said, breaking the silence, "it's Ian's turn."

Ian nodded and reached for the dice on the floor. He was determined to end this game as quickly as possible now that the flirting had gone from somewhat subtle to explicit. He was DEFINITELY not sticking around for the moment the flirting went from flirting to action.

He rolled a 6 and quickly rushed his piece to Oriental Avenue. "Shut up and take my money and let me buy Oriental Avenue so we can get this over with," he said, his words rushing together so fast that even HE had no idea what he was actually saying halfway through.

Shane didn't tease him the way he had Jimmy, which made him grateful, at the very least.

After that, Shane took his turn and landed on Income Tax, prompting a joke about the British and taxes, leading to an extremely American rally about the Boston Tea Party, essentially culminating in another awkward tease jeered at Shane by Jimmy about how "the British are coming, hopefully very soon" accompanied by a forced wink that made Ian hit his forehead with the palm of his hand so hard, he could practically feel his brain moving.

"Uh, hey, Shane, do you mind if I have a little chat with Jimmy, Hidden Block to Hidden Block?" Ian asked.

Shane shook his head. "Sure, no problem."

Jimmy rolled his eyes and looked to Ian, as Ian motioned for Jimmy to get closer to him so he could whisper without having Shane hear them. "Uh, yeah, I just have one question for you - what the actual hell are you doing?"

The whisper came out as more of a hiss, but it got the point across anyway.

"Isn't it obvious? I'm getting some snarky British tsundere ass tonight."

"Well don't fucking do that while I'm HERE, man!"

"I didn't think he'd invite you! As far as I knew, it was just going to be the two of us, Monopoly and chilling. Or, rather, Monopoly and Gill-ing, if you will. But I didn't expect him to ask you to join us! I thought it would just be me and him, and maybe a bottle of lube if I got lucky."

"You're repulsive," Ian muttered. He couldn't fucking believe this. Jimmy had the hots for Shane. Well, he had had his suspicions, but he hadn't expected him to be so explicit in his flirting.

"Whatever. You're just jealous that I'm going to be the one getting his murdercock."

"His murder... what?"

"Tick tock, Ian. Oh look, it's cock o'clock. So, if we're done here, can I kindly get back to wooing this asshole?"

Jimmy moved away from him and turned back to look at Shane. "Impromptu heart-to-heart is over, Shane. You can come back to us now," Jimmy said, leaving Ian completely and utterly in shock.

Shane nodded and said, "It's your turn, Jimmy."

He grabbed the dice and rolled a 7, landing on the Jail spot.

"Where you fucking belong," Ian mumbled under his breath.

Jimmy didn't seem to notice the snark as he cried, "No! I can't go to jail! Do you know what they would do to guys like ME in jail?! Do you know what I would do to guys like SHANE in jail?!"

"Alright, I think I've had enough of this," Shane said, interrupting Jimmy's monologue.

"THANK GOD." Ian was so glad that Shane was voicing what he had been thinking for the past 10 minutes.

"I heard everything you said during your little huddle, too. And you want my 'murdercock', eh?"

Jimmy nodded, not even trying to deny it at this point.

Ian watched as the expression on Shane's face went from seemingly pissed off to...

_Oh goddammit._

"If you want something, Jimmy, you've got to work for it."

_Oh GODDAMMIT._

"Yes, please, give me the workies, Daddy!"

_OH GODDAMMIT._

Ian promptly stood up and walked out of the room, flipping the double bird behind him as he went.

There were a lot of things Ian could take in this world. After all, no one had seen such bravery. Ian was by no means a coward. But as soon as the word 'workies' was uttered, Ian knew this was simply too much.

As soon as he got back to his room, Luke groaned, being awoken by the sound of the door shutting hard behind him. "Where the hell have you been?" Luke asked, as Ian crept back into bed.

"You don't want to know."

**Author's Note:**

> Only my second work in this fandom and I've already contributed something akin to a mistake.


End file.
